“People are dying, we need guns” – PART TWO


 CLICK HERE FOR PART ONE IF YOU’VE MISSED IT!

 It’s time to continue this mess

If you’ve just joined us (let’s pretend this is TV for awhile), i’m dissecting Alien vs Predator: Requiem. The horrible sequel to the less horrible movie Alien vs Predator.

The first film was made by fans under the influence of executives, the second one was made simply to make money. At least that’s what i’m guessing, i’d probably get disputed by other moviegoers, but not that many i recon.

The post became so long that scrolling through it would be a pain, so i’ve decided to split it up in two parts. Check above for the link to part one.

 

Where were we? Things were starting to get a bit messy in small town colorado.

Sheriff and big brother crim goes to investigate a gas explosion. And is it that clever to bring along an ex con who has been drinking to a possible crime scene or accident?

But until we get there, Mr predator tries to stop the aliens who are still roaming about. But he’s really bad.

 

AvP predator power plant

 

 

Seriously, he shoots at the alien from about half a kilometer away and is surprised when he starts causing a meltdown crisis at the site. Again, not a very subtle predator.

A worker is killed by an alien, and the predator scares the shit out of another one who happens to find his mate dead.

And now we head off to the indoor pool. God i dont want to.

 

 

AvP swim

They both go in, and Jess starts taking off her clothes. WAY TOO SLOWLY.

Time to rant.

Fine, she has to take her clothes off to have a swim, but could they possibly objectify her any more? Let’s take a moment and count body screen time.

 

AvP swimsuit

 

 

There’s about 6 seconds on her ass, and it’s completely ridiculous.

Also, she says “I couldn’t decide which suit i wanted to wear… so…” and then she just bends over for awhile and stops talking. She’s not even wearing a suit, thats a normal bra. I dont get this at all.

I’m aware that the demographic for this movie is teenage boys and young adult males, but come on. I guess i shouldn’t be surprised though. But objectifying women like this pisses on both the predator and the alien franchises, they shouldn’t even be uttered in the same sentence.

So anyways… she seduces him with a little wit (not) and they start kissing.

For about two seconds until they get interrupted.

AvP swimsuit 2

And here we go *AGAIN*

I could sort of understand it the first time, but they even have to zoom in on her rushing to put her clothes back on. I mean what the actual fuck?

 

AvP swimsuit 3

Now i realize that this might backfire, someone reading this blogg going “OH GOOD HE POSTED THE ASS SHOTS”. That’s not really what i was getting at.

It was simply to show how much ridiculous shots were made just to make the second female supporting cast member a sex object instead of a person.

But it was ridiculous, and i couldn’t let it slide.

I think the 4 seconds of ass shot where she is trying to put her clothes back on are actually the worst, because we’re not even setting up a “sexy moment” any more, it’s just a girl trying to put her clothes back on because her horrible ex boyfriend is about to assault her crush. And THAT moment is when you want us to look at her ass?

Ranting done.

The ex boyfriend/misogynist person and his friends are here, for no apparent reason whatsoever. And they decide to take a bath. Without Jess.

 

AvP swimingpool

 

 

And we are back to more jumping. He jumps into so many scenes it’s starting to get ridiculous.

 

 

 

AvP predator jump

 

Mr predator gets jumped, by a clearly visible alien warrior. Knocked down to an elevator that penetrates his leg, and what does he do to handle the pain?

He shoots more plasma without proper aim, causing a total black out on the entire city.

 

AvP predator black out

 

Back to swimming team where in the middle of the blackout, an alien jumps into the pool with them. So the muppets stop their fighting for a sec to swim away from that thing that just hit the water.

Long story short, the ex boyfriends sidekicks gets killed off before they manage to escape.

 

AvP pool black out

 

 

Ricky, Jess and mr abusive escape the school area with the pool, and we are off to mr Sheriff and big brother crim who are on their way to the scene where the black out started.

AvP sheriff black out

 

Or at least thats what happens in the movie, i’ve no idea what’s going on in these screenshots above.

Daughter O’brien and the night vision goggles time!

 

AvP O'brien girl

 

AvP Kelly running

 

Jump cut to an alien eating one of the bodies from the swimming pool area, using the incredibly ugly faked inner jaw. It looks so plastered on that it’s sad.

The alien gets interrupted during dinner by the predator.

 

AvP inner jaw

 

Now let’s think about this for a second.

The predator travels from the power plant where he JUST got impaled in the leg, to the school where the pool was, in a matter of minutes. He should have been limping, or at least in need to heal his wounds. All just to cover up one alien and one body.

Again, why bother covering up the body? you’ve left TWO corpses yourself already!

And i have to point out, once again, he traveled from the power plant to the school in a matter of minutes with a torn up leg.

Oh and, how did the predator know to seek the school up? He needs his vision to see aliens and humans in the dark, but he has a predator-spidey-sense to find aliens from more than a kilometer away?

 

AvP power plant

AvP pool

 

So Sherrff and big brother crim has investigated the pool house and brought the kids with them.

To the diner.. for disturbing stuff.

AvP chestbursters 2

 

So um.. the pregnant lady at the diner got face-sucked by the predalien.. and that in turn creates 3-4 tiny ones in her womb? That kinda feels more like shock value than actual logic.

Mr predator is healing himself up in a tree, with a 20 feet long blood trail after him, meaning he must be badly hurt. Yet he still managed that trip to the pool.. just saying.

Kelly and her daughter are still running from the alien attack earlier, taking a pit stop at a cemetary.

AvP predator heal

 

Meanwhile, in the middle of a traffic jam.

 

AvP traffic jam carrie

 

 

And now that the Sheriff and the others realize that something strange is going on, and that a few people have died. It’s time for the title of this post.

 

AvP people are dying, we need guns

 

They don’t even know what’s going on, sure they’ve heard that people have died etc. But to believe that there are creatures to kill with guns, just yet, is a little weird. I mean in real life, you’d doubt the situation a liiitle bit more until you see stuff yourself. I mean that’s my theory at least.

But the way the line is delivered, and the situation where it happens is probably why it’s so incredibly stupid.

Either way, they decide that.. well.. people *are* dying, we do need guns. So they break into a weapon store.

The sheriff uses an ex con to break into a gun store. Just putting that out there.

AvP gun store

 

Sheriff has a portable comm-radio-system-thingy and contacts the national guard who just arrived.

 

 

AvP national gaurd

 

Something really weird about this is that at the moment, the only reason for the army guys to be there is based on the fact that the power plant got shut down, and three people have been reported missing, the other deaths were reported after the national guard had started to roll in.

So either the national guard REALLY don’t have anything better to do, or they’re a bit sloppy on how and when to take action and on what grounds.

And how shitty are they not to spot what’s attacking them in the next scenes? they aren’t checking all fronts nor using night vision and motion tracking properly.

 

AvP national guard dies

 

So that’s all of them, gone within a minute. It’s just not plausible that all of those guns didn’t do shit.

 

AvP gun store 2

 

Two drugged up store clerks show up out of nowhere.

AvP gun store 3

A few seconds afterwards, the surviving O’brien mother and daughter happen to end up at the store too.

 

AvP gun store 4

 

Let’s see how the rest of the town is doing!

 

AvP hospital

 

In the next scene, the predalien sneaks into the hospital. And have you guys seen how bulky that thing is? he basically smashed his way through concrete to reach the street level, how on earth (no pun intended) did it manage to sneak into the hospital when it’s this busy still? People havent begun to evacuate yet, but here it is, sneaking around.

 

AvP hospital 2

We don’t see anything happening to the babies, but i guess it’s implied that the predalien eats them. Which is really fucking gruesome i must say.

The pregnant lady that was just committed is up for a bad delivery.

 

AvP hospital predalien

AvP hospital predalien 2

 

So the predalien has the ability to impregnate a female human who is herself pregnant. I can’t really figure out what

AvP hospital impregnation

I have to say, the embryos sliding down her throat kinda looks like those pics where guys photoshop their muscles bigger.

It should be gross, but it’s just not working for me.

To the gun store with our gang!

 

 

AvP gun shop predator

Big brother crim then leaves the conversation and gets taken away by an invisible predator.

Kelly and her daughter hear the sounds and go to investigate where he dissapeared, find his shotgun on the floor and him hanging from his feet in the ceeling.

How’s that even possible?

1. how did he take him away, and tie him up wihin 5 seconds without even being noticed? That’d make a bunch of noise.

2. WHY would he hang him there?

An Alien later comes into the store to attack them, and the predator uses the opportunity to kill the alien. But did he have to hang him up in the ceeling as bait? surely the alien would have entered and attacked them anyway? Mind boggling.

 

AvP gun shop predator alien

 

 

What trap? i dont get it. It’s one of those lines that seem to be written in simply because.. well, that’s what people usually say in movies with uh.. danger?

The gang make their escape, except for mr bully who attempts to leave them all with the keys to the police car. He get’s attacked by an alien and the predator shoots it, making acid spew all over mr bully.

Cut to hospital where the lone doctor is about to have a shitty day on the job.

 

AvP hospital patients

 

AvP voldemort

 

The gang exit the shop and find the army completely devastated.

 

AvP army

 

AvP army 2

AvP army

 

The last things in those screenshots that the Sheriff and Kelly say are actually from the movie, and it’s meant to be ominous and dramatic as fuck. But it just falls flat. They’re basically saying “My theory is the same thing as yours, but uh… opposite!”

Right after this amazing dramatic exchange of lines, a convoy shows up to give the people in the tank a choice.

Mr sheriff and the screaming lady decide to join the rest of the townspeople to go to the center of town, to hopefully get evacuated.

 

AvP evacuation

 

 

The gang going to the hospital have gotten backup in form of the pizza boss.

 

AvP emergency

 

They head inside the hospital that’s seemingly abandoned.

 

AvP predator jumps

 

Aaand Mr predator jumps into a scene yet again, i think that number 5 might be the last one though.

So basically the crew is walking through a stairwell at this time, but it’s actually impossible to see anything so you’ll just have to guess what’s going on. I’ll promise to notify you when someone gets killed off.

 

AvP murky shit

 

 

So to sum up, the people walk up the stairs, the pizza guy gets attacked and the gang shoot down his killer alien.

What does Jess do? she starts panicking, screaming all over the place and actually RUNS ahead of the rest. As in, she runs away from the people with guns, straight into the fucking nest where there are no guns but instead a couple of drooling children.

They follow her into the building, but she’s way ahead of them.

Down here is a few scenes that we’re supposed to be excited about, but it’s poorly filmed and the acting is weird.

 

AvP murky battle guy in suit

 

 

The problem here is that right now, a predator is battling aliens. But the scenes that have guys in suits, REALLY really look like.. well scenes with guys in suits. The aliens are clumsy and the predator is even clumsier. The earlier movies with guys in suits all made less “full front” shots of the aliens, instead placing them on walls, crawling and in shorts shots. Here they are exposed, thrown around and just look like dolls.

Either way, two aliens are crawling on two sides of the wall. The predator uses his dual spinning shurikens to kill them both off.

The blades keep spinning after they’ve killed the aliens however…

AvP jesse dies

 

Jess who wanted to just get away from everything, runs straight into a shuriken. And little brother criminal ricky goes ballistic.

It’s kinda funny though, he just looks at the predator who threw the blades and lets out a really stupid scream, then start walking towards him with gunfire.

 

AvP Ricky mad

 

His brother and the rest of the gang manage to catch up with ricky and calm him down. And all of a sudden, the predalien seem to have gotten great camouflage.

 

AvP Ricky predalien

 

That’s another scene in this movie where an alien is like.. right next to the person he attacks in “surprise”, it’s just cheap.

Ricky might actually the only person to survive a tail attack by a xenomorph, or any attack for that matter.

 

AvP hospital snarl

 

 

To Gilliam circle where the rest of the town is hanging out in peace.

 

AvP gilliam circle

 

The hospital gang finally makes it to the roof!

And right here we see the characters path to the helicopter, but somehow that would just have been too easy.

 

AvP hospital roof

 

You can clearly see the way to the helicopter, through those fenced walls. But as soon as an alien shows up, they decide to cut through the fence and make a detour instead. For no reason whatsoever. I dont get it at all.

 

AvP hospital roof 2

 

Big brother crim runs around, taunting the aliens while using the shoulder cannon that the predator dropped. How he uses it as a weapon, and why the predators don’t have “ONLY OUR RACE CAN USE IT” safety mechanisms on their weapons, i dont know.

Suddenly, the weapon stops functioning for a few seconds.

AvP hospital roof 3

 

He shoots and alien that is leaning over him, and the acid flies up in the air instead of onto him, which really isn’t very logical or believable.

And the predator shows up one last time to take care of the aliens while big brother crim escapes.

 

AvP predator whip

 

 

That whip the predator uses in the scene, and like.. one other scene before this, is incredibly bad ass. The whip is forged from a xenomorph tail, it sure looks like it anyways, making it razor sharp and incredibly durable and sustainable to acid. Sadly, the predator gets knocked away by the predalien right after he uses the whip, so that’s that.

It’s probably the only original cool thing in this movie that i definitely like and should be kept canonical.

Meanwhile, Kelly fires on a xenomorph that’s relaxing on the windshield of the helicopter, which is an amazing idea.

 

AvP helicopter escape

 

The hull and engine of the helicopter miraculously survives without a scratch even though an alien got shot right over it, but whatever. They finally make their escape and leave the other extraterrestrials to battle.

And the fight is incredibly dull and straight forward, did i mention guys in suits?

AvP predator alien fight

 

It ends with the predator slitting out the predalien inner jaw and putting his wrist blades through it’s skull, and the predalien retaliates by thrusting it’s tail into the predator, effectively settling that match.

 

AvP draw

The battle ends for real when the army nuke the town, and i wonder when the sheriff finally realized that he had been fooled.

It’s kinda tragic, but it’s hard to care about these people. And i’m not a cold hearted blogger!

Sorta!

 

 

AvP nuke

 

The helicopter crashes in the nearby mountains, everyone are unscathed (at least from the crash).

 

AvP aftermath

 

And that’s the end of the movie, sort of…

Cut to a military grey sad horrible building, where the colonel (who ordered the nuke) is moving a briefcase over to a woman in an office.

 

AvP Yutani

 

When i first saw this, i was like “oh woah, now we know where ‘Yutani’ originates from in the Weyland Yutani brand!”.

But now as i’ve had time to analyze it, i realize how incredibly stupid the ending is. The lines uttered up there are pretty much the way they are delivered in the movie. “The world isn’t ready for this technology”, “But this isn’t for our world, is it miss yutani?”

It just doesn’t make any sense!

What does that even mean? Of course it wasn’t for our world, it came from an alien. There’s a lot of potential in dealing with Yutani and how she came into business with Weyland industries.

That is, if we’re actually accepting AvP:R as canon, i doubt we are.

Because if we accept the outbreak that happened in colorado as real, then people would have known about the aliens, people had the ability to send text messages with photos back in 2004 (that’s when both movies occur).

Lex from the first movie, and the survivors and military personnel would have kept records of the aliens for others to read throughout history. In 2120 where the first Alien movie takes place, Weyland Yutani sends the crew of the Nostromo to acquire an alien from the planet LV-426, but by then the crew *should* already know of the incident that occurred in antarctica and colorado, 100 years earlier.

As one of the board members say in Aliens: “you found something never recorded in over 300 surveyed worlds”. Meaning that extraterrestrial lifeform wasn’t something that people ran into on a daily basis even in 2179. If the events from 2004 really happened, people would have known.

So enough of that, the movie is over, i can let this go now.

 

Final words

It’s hard to talk about this movie as an actual alien or predator movie, because it just feels really out of place.

One thing that struck me as i watched this thing again, is how no one reacts when they see the predator for the first time.  It’s like “oh we’ve all seen this alien that looks like a cock, only less pleasant, this new alien with plasma guns doesn’t even phase us anymore after this.

It’s like no one even bothers to stop and think as to why two incredibly different species have landed on earth, one being even more humanoid and human like than the other.

It’s all pretty much said through Kellys line: “It’s a trap!” when they first see the predator killing an alien, they’ve no idea what the hell they are talking about or who they are looking at, but it sure is a trap! or..uh.. something.

 

The thing i’ve come to realize is that the movie is a generic B-scifi movie, it’s quality and writing is that of a “straight to DVD” movie, but with the exception of the titular creatures.

In my opinion, those creatures represent the A-game of movie monsters, they’re mean and they’re dangerous. They shouldn’t be in this mess of a movie, and that’s why it’s hard to see this as an official alien or predator product.

I had a similar feeling watching the first AvP, but because the monsters got enough screentime and a lot of the subjects were handled respectfully, it was easier to accept it as part of the series.

So i guess that’s all i have to say about AvP:R, i’m actually really glad i’m done with it and i hope you had a laugh or at least a smile.

If you agree with some of my points, or disagree, let me know in the comments!

See you soon.

 

CLICK HERE FOR PART ONE IF YOU’VE MISSED IT!

“People are dying, we need guns” or Alien vs Predator: Requiem for intellectual property – PART ONE


poster

 Click here for part two!

 

Script vs Actors

 

Drooling Dreadlocks vs Dreadlocks: Direct to DvD (DD vs D:D)

   That thing in parenthesis the potential movie abbreviation, not a bunch of smileys.

 

Dumb vs Dumber

 

Just a few alternative title’s i’ve been throwing out there in case they want to release a special edition box and would like a different marketing approach closer to the truth.

.

So it’s time to do Alien vs Predator: Requiem, a movie i’ve been dreading to do a rundown of simply because its the worst use of the Alien and Predator intellectual properties. I pretty much knew the sequel would suck, mainly because the first one wasn’t all that amazing. But i had no idea what kind of an insult this thing would be.

The movie wasn’t directed by Paul W.S Anderson who made the last one but by Colin and Greg Strause who prior to AvP:R only made music videos and commercials. Now, i’m aware that a lot of people blame directors for the outcome of a movie, and in many ways they are responsible for a lot that’s going on. But in this case i’d like to mention Shane Salerno who wrote the entire script.

And not one person stopped to revise the trainwreck.

You already know the movie is terrible, and there are many flaws to look at but i would the say biggest pain is the horrible writing and characters.

I actually had to look Shane up on IMDB to check what he had done, and i have to admit i’m kinda dissapointed. He co-wrote Armageddon, which i actually really like. Sure its corny and predictable as hell, but it’s still enjoyable if you set your mind to B-movie mode.

So, say what you want about Paul W.S Anderson, he wrote his movie himself and i think he actually wrote it as a fan. It didn’t work all the way but i still feel both the Aliens and the Predators were respected.

That’s not really the case here.

Now, i actually havent seen AvP:R in a very long time and i haven’t ever stopped to analyse what’s going on, so this should be painful and interesting. I’ve also decided to put the posts up in two, because they will be really long and really annoying to scroll through if it’s all in gone go.

Let’s get this freakshow on the road.

It all started where we last saw them…

 

I hope you’ve read my rundown of the original AvP, because the ending of that post pretty much sets up where we are now, but i’m going to sum up:

  1. Aliens and Predators fight each other in a pyramid below Antarctica .
  2. Predator and Human destroy pyramid and all the aliens.
  3. Predator dies from wounds and gets picked up by fellow Predators to be taken home for possible native funeral rites.
  4. Alien chestburster comes out of the predator, revealing the Predator and Alien hybrid.

Now, this bit at the end was only written in by Anderson as a way to make it a tie between the Aliens and the Predators, since the title of the movie is… well, Alien vs Predator. I assume it was supposed to be seen as some sort of intergalactic drooling and snarling competition.

The Predalien wasn’t written in to set up a sequel. But here we are none the less.

 

 

Basically the movie starts right where the first one ends, on the ship with the Predator lying on a table as the chestburster is about to erupt from him.

…And right away we notice a clear difference in the lighting budget, here are two comparison shots from the same scene.

 

 

Comparison

 

 

Alright fine, i might be exaggerating.

Here’s the real one:

 

 

Comparison real

 

It might not seem that bad, but you can see details on the armour and skin of the predator in the first movie, you cant even see the dreadlocks in the sequel.

And this is just a taste of what the rest of the movie will look like.

 

One thing i find hilarious is that they couldnt even look through some stills of the original scene to align the FUCKING PLANET to the ship correctly. It looks ominously scary directly in front of the window in the first one and here we are veering towards the right.

And while we’re at it we may as well change the table he’s lying on, because fuck continuity.

Actually i’m being too harsh, it’s not the same movie and it’s just one scene really, it doesn’t matter that much.

 

Nope, fuck continuity, this burster doesn’t have the inner jaw.

 

Predalien chestbursters

 

 

Supposedly the removal of the inner jaw was plot related, and we’ll probably get there soon enough. But seriously, you can barely see the second one.

Oh and i should note that i’m watching the “unrated” cut, apperantly there were a couple of gruesome scenes that were removed. Although some scenes are just cut because they drag on or something.

This next scene coming up was cut in half.

 

Predalien shed

 

The scene is still in the original cut but its just like 2 seconds and since you can’t see what the flying fuck is going on, it’s not really possible to know that the predalien is supposed to shed skin.

I changed the gamma on VLC to try and make something out and enhance the video, and it actually works a little bit.

Predalien gamma fix

 

Thing is though, the enhanced gamma version was not what i got to see in the cinemas, and the light scenes all look weird when it’s enhanced so i’m going to leave it the way the filmmakers intended it to. Because if it’s me fixing it, then its certainly not with thanks to the production company.

It’s like if i were to watch Jurassic Park and actually say the weird lines i wrote for the screenshots i made on my own walkthrough of it, it’s not really supposed to be my work.

So back to darkness it is.

And i apologize in advance for all the “oh my god, i cant see shit” things i’ll say, because sometimes it’s just not avoidable not to cringe over it.

 

On with the show.

A smaller ship is detaching itself from the larger predator ship and i actually cant figure out why.

 

 

AvP dropship

 

 

I assume the Predalien and the other predators are on this tiny ship because the next scenes are aboard it. But why is it going in another direction than the mothership?

On the ship we see a bunch of containers with Facehuggers, some alive, some dead. And the last scene that backs out through a room full of containers looks so bad that it could be CGI from a videogame.

There is a reason for the best facehuggers in the series all being animatronics, it just looks way more real. And it’s the credibility of the facehuggers behaviour and look that makes them scary.

 

 

AvP dropship facehuggers

 

 

Apperantly most of the interior of the ship is CGI because it was more cost efficient to make it all computer generated instead of building an actual set. That i can kind of get on board with since it’s just a few scenes and they’re just to start the plot.

So we have this one predator working at a trophy station, cleaning Alien heads for wall mounting, and he gets a visit from the Predalien fairy which we see in the reflection of a panel.

 

AvP trophies

 

 

A Predator hears the roar of his friend and comes to the rescue.

Actually he just shoots a hole in the hull of the ship with his plasma gun because he doesn’t realize that the aiming is botched against the new hybrid.

 

AvP dropship crash

 

So the Predalien escapes the hunters and the ship comes tumbling down towards the earth again. Now, i’m no astronomer or physicist (no shet), but isn’t the ship way too far up into space to be “tumbling down”? If a ship malfunctions that far out, doesn’t it float off? Meh, i don’t know.

One thing i find quite weird, all this happened because the body of the predator who had been injected with a parasite was left alone unattended. If only there had been a few predators near the corpse as the Predalien errupted all of this could have been avoided.

 

Wait…

 

Predators and predalien

Oh for crying out loud.

Yeah that’s from the first movie, but seriously, come on.

And don’t they have some sort of security measure if they’re going to carry around all those Aliens that they have in containers? Acid proof walls and floors, acid proof doors to keep them inside. And you know, instructions on how to deal with a specimen that has gone loose WITHOUT SHOOTING PLASMA EVERYWHERE.

It just goes against predator logic, they arent that stupid.

 

Meanwhile on earth, a father and his son are out hunting. I suppose it’s some sort of american bonding experience that i couldn’t for the life of me understand. They don’t get to shoot any game, but they get to watch a meteor tumble down.

 

AvP Deer

AvP crash

 

 

They observe the ship by the crash-site and we get to see a bunch of facehuggers escape their containment, scurrying out through the ship. A mortally wounded predator notices this too and activates a distress signal to the predator homeworld. Probably something like “CLEAN THIS FUCKING MESS!”

 

AvP self destruct

 

A bunch of facehuggers chase the the father and son through the forest, and the scene happening now was one i always dreamt of as a kid, but it’s not how i hoped it would be.

 

AvP facehugger forest

 

 

When i was little i used to imagine there being Aliens in the real world, what it would feel like to have them stalk you in the Swedish forests. (I’m swedish, otherwise that would make no sense).

But somehow the feeling just isn’t there, you know there are facehuggers hiding in the bushes but there’s just zero fright there.

The father gets jumped by a hugger, and he manages to shoot it with his rifle, from the hip. Now *that* is good aiming and reflexes.

But it doesn’t help him because the acid in these facehuggers are apparently extremely strong, melting his arm off with just two drops.

 

AvP acid

 

Dad get’s hugged while he ponders his missing arm, and the son gets it too not long afterwards.

 

AvP facehugged

 

 

 

I’ve rewatched this scene a couple of time’s now, and i cant figure out what they’ve done with the facehugger for the only none-cgi shot of them since the movie begins. It looks absolutely terrible, and sort of like it isn’t even on his face? Looks like a halloween mask that’s come loose.

Either way, cut to the predator homeworld. Or perhaps just another world where predators hang out. And someone is watching a monitor.

 

AvP Wolf

 

 

Or he’s not watching Teletubbies, he’s observing that a ship has crashed with xenomorphs and predator technology down to earth and someone needs to stop it. We’re supposed to figure out that it’s a seasoned predator veteran going down to take care of things. He packs his bag full of predator goodies and heads off.

 

AvP home planet

 

 

 

And even though i wasn’t a fan of this intro…

Shit is about to hit the fan.

 

That’s right, it’s time for the human plots.

The worst part of the previous movie was the human characters, they were so terrible, always saying things to ruin the rest of the film. But this is bad, really bad. I’m not even going to explain the relationships, i’m just going to give them speech bubbles to mildly explain the plot.

 

AvP bus

 

 

AvP sheriff

 

 

AvP sheriff 2

 

AvP car ride

AvP pizza

 

That killed off 2 and a half minutes of footage in just a few simple screenshots. I’m so happy i have that kinda power.

Little brother doesn’t want to deliver the pizza, we are about to find out why very soon. And you wont care one bit, neither do i.

Cut to a scene in the nearby mountains, a lone cop is investigating an abandoned sewer.

AvP homeless man

AvP homeless man dog

AvP homeless man hand

One thing i kinda find strange.

This is a very small city in Colorado, and the officers actually know the homeless people by their first names… how are they still homeless? Or is the welfare and community so crappy that they cant all pitch in to help them out?

That said, i know nothing of small american towns or anything of their homeless people. So i’mma just leave that there.

Sadly, we have to cut to lil brother crim and his pizza delivery quest.

 

AvP ricky and jess

 

 

The pizza costs 53 dollars… isn’t that like shitloads for 4 pizzas? I’m really getting sidetracked.

Either way, the blonde lady pays for the pizza and apologizes for her boyfriend who is a jerk, but she see’s him for the great hairdo.

Little brother criminal Ricky goes back to his car, or tries to.

 

AvP ricky gets beaten up

Poor Ricky.

Meanwhile in the woods, the sheriff is nervous because he got a call about a missing arm. So naturally he drives to the woods in search of clues.

I dont get it either.

 

 

AvP sheriff truck

 

AvP Chestburster

AvP Chestbursters

 

Seriously, that CGI is freaking horrendous.

The scene where the chestburster errupts from the boy was taken out of the theatrical release because it was too much, but i think it should have been taken out because it looked so bad.

It kinda looks like the puppet they used in JAWS.

More humans.

 

AvP Kelly

 

Kelly has returned from the army to her family that hasn’t seen her in months, and i guess you can just add your own “ermahgerd i cant connect with my daughter whom i don’t see very often” plotline.

 

 

Meanwhile, Ricky climbs through his own window at his house, for no apparent reason whatsoever.

 

AvP brothers

Such a lovely bonding experience.

 

Now it is sadly time for more whining on my part.

That’s right, it’s time to play “TRY TO UNDERSTAND WHAT IS GOING ON”

 

 

A facehugger jumps into the sewer. Although we cant be sure it’s the sewer until the next scene.

 

AvP sewer homeless

A couple of facehuggers jump up from the water and attacks the two homeless men. Though it happens too fast and too murky to get it in a screenshot properly.

AvP facehugger homeless

AvP xenomorph

 

Homeless Susan Sarandon now enters, looking for her buddies. But ends up getting killed by the predalien.

It’s impossible to follow those events because it’s so dark and weird, but basically here it is.

AvP sewer sceneI think she dies somewhere in there, but it’s hard to tell.

 

Now our predator joins in on the earth action.

 

AvP predator crash

 

 

Mr predator locates the crashed predator ship, pays respects to his fallen comrade, steal his hat to look through his final moments.

He sees the predalien through the recorded footage of the dead predator and cant match it’s DNA to the Aliens and get’s frustrated.

He sets of the self destruction mechanism on the predators wrist and jumps away. But not before loading himself with more weapons and a blue-ish substance.

 

 

More family drama at Kelly’s house summarization: Daughter wont listen to mommy, mommy gets sad because she’s been away too long. But that’s not fun to do speech bubbles about.

AvP O'brien

 

The Brothers Crim are out hunting keys in the sewers. And/or pretending to be the mario brothers.

AvP brothers sewer

So they seriously take another manhole to climb down to instead of going to the place where they actually threw the keys?

“I dont want Jess to see me covered in shit”.

She saw her amazing boyfriend brutally assault him, and take away his belongings and throw them in the sewer, if she’s any good she’ll probably, *probably* let a little shit slide through her fingers.

Not literally, i hope.

AvP brothers sewer 2

 

Brothers Crim begin seeing weird stuff in the sewers such as rats who look like bloody snakes, and something that could either be food or skin.

 

AvP brothers sewer 3

What’s funny is, the brothers hear this massive roar in the sewers, and say “Let’s get out of here” and run off. But none of this is mentioned ever again, they don’t talk to the sheriff about it, nor do they speak about it amongst themselves.

 

Back to Sherrrff and the missing son and child. Drama incoming.

 

AvP search

 

 

There’s a search party for Buddy and his son, and the Predator is out covering up the outbreak by making the corpses and the facehuggers dissolve.

As the search party is about to call it a night, a lone cope gets a little lost.

 

AvP predator cop

 

The cop searching for the missing people gets a radio call from behind his tree, and the Predator finds radio signals offensive. And one of the only few cool frames of footage occurs.

The way the predator goes from cleaning mode to “Run, it’ll make things more fun”- slaughter is kinda awesome.

I was going to complain that the predator attacks an unarmed man, which is against predator code, but he is hear to clean up a mess and to avoid the widespread knowledge of both the Yautja and the Xenomorph race. Probably hide the fact that they have been secretly using humans for ages for breeding.

 

AvP predator stealth

 

Cop dies, morning comes.

AvP missing people

 

 

AvP missing people 2

 

 

So now we find out another person is missing, and a cop at that. Didn’t they like figure out that they were missing personnel when they called off the search?

I doubt he would ride alone in his cop car to the search site if a lot of people were interested in helping out. “Yeah my driver isn’t here yet… so i’mma just stay here.. freezing”.

And what about the radio? it said “All units report back…” then he shut it off because the predator saw him. Wouldn’t they notice that he never answered?

Such confusion.

Anyway, now they are out looking for him too.

AvP skinned

 

This just doesn’t make sense at all. The predator wants all of this to be a secret, cleaning up the predator ship, facehuggers and the human bodies.

WHY CREATE NEW ONES?

Sure, you have to remove a human body that has their insides torn up from within, that cant lay there for the public to see.

It’s way less suspicious to SKIN THEM and HANG THEM feet first in a tree.

Blows my mind.

AvP predator sewer

 

The predator cleans up some more in the sewers, but thats no fun so…

 

Smash cut to the outside where little brother crim is flashing jess inside a car.

 

AvP Jesse and Ricky

Why do they ALWAYS do that in american movies?

“So i’ll see you at around 8?”

WHERE?!

“Maybe have dinner at Leo’s tonight? See ya there”

WHEN?!

 

Back to darkness it is, Mr predator is setting up traps.

AvP predator mines

 

This is just when things go wrong, and it feels so weird. And wrong. Did i say wrong?

It’s a 2 and a half minute scene of fights in the sewer that really cant be made justice in stills, but i’ll try to explain what the hell is going on.

Predator sets up traps and jumps into a pool, roaring to get all the aliens to come out. He shoots some, and kicks some around.

Then as he’s about to dual smash two aliens at once, one in each hand. The predalien shows up out of *nowhere* which is not possible since it’s huge and cant hide for shet.

A wall gets broken in, and the aliens escape, with the predator in pursuit.

 

Alien vs Predator in the sewer

 

 

Apparently the predalien kicks the predator as he is shooting his plasma gun, crashing the walls. The aliens then make their escape.. although i dont think it’s considered escape since the vents were all open in the first place.

One thing i dont figure out is… the aliens are escaping in the middle of the city, but the scene happens where the policeman first met the hobo harry.

You can even see a predator mini map of the place, and that sewer was in the mountains.

 

Alien vs Predator in the sewer 2

 

Also, it’s gone dark in just 30 minutes or something, but that’s irrelevant.

Either way, the Aliens and the predalien jumps up into the street, and it just feels wrong.

Alien vs Predator in the sewer 3

Both the predalien and the predator uses the lesser subtle approach to entering the town by smashing their way up through the concrete.

The predator uses a special button on his wrist to do it, but the predalien just jumps through the concrete… if he’s that strong it’s kinda impossible to even go near it as a predator.

To the diner!

Alien vs Predator diner

Alien vs Predator diner 2

Alien vs Predator diner predalien

 

Now honestly, i don’t know exactly why this feels all wrong. It could be the fact that all my life i’ve seen the Aliens in a space environment, and that now seeing them in our real world it just doesn’t work? Or it could be how it was done.

I just think “small town america” just isn’t the right setting for an alien invasion.

I’m trying to compare it to The Lost World, where we see a T-rex roaming in California. Those scenes are still awesome somehow, even though it’s completely out of place there too.

Ah well, there’ll be time for speculation later.

It’s been awhile since we visited the O’brien household (The military mom).

 

AvP night visionAnd that’s that.

To the bar!

AvP bar

 

 

CLICK HERE FOR PART TWO!

I have returned


 

The title of this post is supposed to be read with a Dragoon’s voice from Starcraft, otherwise it’s just really lame and uninspiring.

And i realize that the chance of anyone reading also liking Starcraft is kinda slim, so i’m just going to assume it’ll seem lame and uninspiring. (i’ve rewritten that sentence 5 times and i still can’t figure out if the grammar is correct, i havent used english for long stretches in ages)

How’s that for a sidetracked intro?

 

I’m back to blogging, i guess that’s what im trying to say. I’ve wanted to write but i just havent been inspired, i’m not even inspired now but i think i’ll get there if i just start working.

And what am i going to start working on?

 

 

I cant believe i’m doing this at my own instigation….

 

 

 

Fox intro

 

(Notice how the title logo is really dark? Yeah you better get used to straining your eyes)

 

As you may recall (no you may not because you havent read it), i wrote a piece on the Alien vs Predator movie from 2004 by Paul W.S Anderson. It’s basically just me going through the movie brick by brick and creating weird screenshots where i twist the dialogue in my own awkward ways.

I typically go frame by frame to find every piece of awkwardness in the movies i write about because that’s when you find all the weird stuff that you don’t normally find. It’s usually just to find weird screenshots, but thats when you notice the gold.

 

If you want to read it to prepare for this next disaster then have a look at it.

 

 

Aliens vs Predator speech

(Drool, Snarl & Click also happens to be the name of a law firm hired by the Xenomorphs and Yautjas to oversee their legal issues)

 

It wasn’t the best film that have utilized the  ‘ol “Drool, Snarl & Click” sci-fi characters but as we’re about to find out, it certainly wasn’t the worst. AvP made a good amount of money in relation to its considerably smaller budget so of course they had to make a sequel.

A sequel no one saw because it’s SO FUCKING DARK ITS RIDICULOUS!  WHY ISNT THERE GAMMA OPTIONS ON MEDIA OTHER THAN VIDEO GAMES?!  WHO SHOT JR?

I’m sorry, done now.

So i’m going to go and submerse myself in the horror that is Alien vs Predator: Requiem and i’ll get back with the full post later.

I miss writing, it’s good to be back.

Tuhuh.

(I assume that’s how cool people say goodbye nowdays)

Car Fry 3… Fra Cyr 3, Fcrr Ay 3. Far Cry 3.


 

1-vaas-far-cry-3-15976-1280x800

What does Resident Evil 4, Final Fantasy XII and Far Cry 3 have in common?

They all have too many numbers assigned to them.

But other than that, they are sequels that strayed far (cry, harrharr) away from the original games, for better and for worse.

Metal Gear Solid 4 was a game i had been looking forward to ever since i finished MGS2 back in 2002 (holy shit time flies), and the 4th installment happened to be a load of balls with a side order of more balls.

Resident Evil 4 however is a different story, it was a total 180 turn away from the chunky controls and fixed camera angles of the previous games. It’s probably the game i’ve replayed from start to finish the most ammount of times because i just dont get bored of it. If i could screenshot my TV (i dont know how you do that shit), i’d do a post about how many ways you could finish RE4 with the worst weapons available.

Final Fantasy XII, i dont really know what to think about that game anymore. While i liked the RPG elements and the fighting, i didnt think it had enough to do with Final Fantasy for it to be a sequel. FFX was very different from the three games that came out on the PSone and it still managed to stay true to the formula. FFXII isnt a bad RPG, it just isn’t close enough to Final Fantasy.

So far, very mixed emotions when it comes to sequels who step away from the tried and true formula. Sometimes a series stagnates and just doesn’t work anymore, and sometimes you’re EA and release Call of Duty: Old Warfare 5: Black Crops 3 because its what people cant fucking stop buying.

If people didn’t buy Resident Evil 5 because it was a copy pasted RE4, but worse: we wouldn’t have the pile of crap that is Resident Evil 6.

Before i get sidetracked and completely lose my way, Far Cry 3 is probably ranked third in my “game of the year” list.

 

First up, a little Far Cry history lesson, feel free to scroll down if you dont give a crap.

Once upon a time, when DVD drivers in PC’s was a new thing…

Seriously, i had to upgrade my pc and remove my CD driver because Far Cry was one of the first games written on a DVD-rom and the freaking thing wouldn’t work.

Far Cry was released in 2004, and it was the best looking game ever made and honestly, it still looks good.

 

far-cry-1

Somewhere on this island, a tiny kitten is eating frosted corn flakes.
And i shall find it.

 

Back then, when a game like that comes along it’s usually just looks that impress us and then we move on. But solid first person shooter gameplay made Far Cry stand out even more, you could use stealth and the environment to mow down an entire camp of mercenaries without them figuring out who stole all the chips.

A few hours in to Far Cry, the game takes a turn into sci fi when you’re facing mutated animals that look like goblins dressed in milkshake vomit. They’re super fast and they kill you in two hits (three if you’re lucky) which makes things even more terrifying. Usually when you’re fighting monsters in FPS games, they die easily and they dont do enough damage to be threatening.

Far Cry was developed using a new engine called Cryengine, by german game company Crytek. (How creative… it’s like when the one hit wonders named themselves after their hit single in the 80’s)

Crysis (seriously, fuck this) released in late 2007 was the spiritual successor to Far Cry which meant that an official sequel to Far Cry from Crytek was nowhere to be seen.

Next stop: Montreaaaaal, Montreaaaaaal.

“…are we really in Montreal?” (That quote shall not be discussed)

The intellectual property of Far Cry remained with publisher Ubisoft and they threw the mission to create a “real” Far Cry successor to their development team in Montreal.

They advertised it as being the true sequel to Far Cry and i guess the game has some similarities.

For instance, you use guns to shoot people.

And… yeah, that’d be that.

 

Farcry2_4

 

And yes, everything is brown in Far Cry 2.

The game was a sandbox game, an open world style presentation that the previous game did not have. Sure the levels were huge, but they were levels.

I’m a huge fan of sandbox games, or at least the concept of it, so that wasn’t an issue at all. The issue comes when you realize the open world is missing content and focus.  Your basic goal was to kill mercenaries in outposts throughout the world and complete fetch quests and the like, for money and story progression.

The problem was that the story progression wasn’t very good, in no way did i feel that i was moving towards my goal, and the money you made had little to no impact on anything.  Eventually you get bored and you give up, at least thats what happens to me in sandbox games that has no clear goals.

It was pretty as hell, the guns sounded amazing, the open world was well made but that didn’t do it for me.

So when i read about yet another sequel to Far Cry developed by the same studio, i didn’t care one bit, expecting it to end up with the “We’ve sold millions of copies, we can force feed them this too” policy.

I was wrong.

 

Far Cry 3

 

Crocodile2

 

It’s funny how two of my favourite games of the year arrived at the very start of 2012 and the very end (Saint’s Row 3 in January), and the fact that they’re both open world games.

Far Cry 3 has *nothing* to do with the previous games in terms of story: you are Jason Brat- err i mean Brody, a young man in his early twenties who travel to a tropical island with his rich friends to do drugs and celebrate the ammount of money their parents have.

Things go apeshit and he is captured along with his brother by pirates planning to put a ransom on their heads. Through a little sneaking and luck, the interactive tutorial of the game helps you escape from the pirates and begin planning the rescue of your friends.

I admit i was sceptical towards Far Cry 3, i had read the reviews sure, but MGS4, Perfect Dark Zero and Oblivion has taught me not to believe reviewer hype.

But as soon as the main villain Vaas started speaking in the intro sequence, you realize that this is something else.

 

hämta

 

The game’s scripted sequences are all motioncaptured by the actors and the dialogue is most likely not recorded in an enclosed boring studio at all, because this shit is freaking real.

While i’ve read praise towards the actor playing the villain Vaas, there’s no way to understand it until you experience it yourself.

And he’s not the only one, several characters show up later that are all extremely memorable and equally well performed. To put things short, i havent heard acting in a video game like this since Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas, and specifically James Woods performance as Mike Toreno.

The gameplay is again nowhere near the original Far Cry, but this time it’s extremely welcomed. It’s basically a FPS-RPG and a really well made one.

It’s similar to Far Cry 2 in that it’s once again an open world and you fight mercenaries in outposts and take over territories, but you also have to deal with the ecosystem of the island.

It’s RPG elements are crafting, hunting & gathering and a skill/leveling system. They all blend together to make an extremely addicting gameplay because everything you do pretty much helps you get stronger and increase your chance of surviving the island experience.

The story is not the strongest, but the missions that push the story forward makes it all worth it, most of them are GTA styled.

 

Rifles, Silencers, Grenades and Carnage.

 

The core FPS gameplay is what you’ll expect from any game in the genre, with a few twists. Stealth is a huge focus in this game, and i really like that approach. It’s more refined than it was in Far Cry and you have more skills at your disposal for taking enemies out silently.

Guns are acquired either from dropped enemies, bought through the shop or gained for free through the activation of radio towers (more on that later)

Every weapon has a description in the inventory screen, and they range from funny to absolute batshit insane. Actually, pretty much every item in the game, be it vehicles, plants or animals has a funny little description once you encounter it in the game.

Handbook

 

Aside from the core gun gameplay, you can also drive vehicles found on the island, and sometimes there are forced vehicle sessions throughout the missions.

The driving isn’t too bad, i’ve seen worse, but it can feel extremely clumsy at times since it’s always from a first person perspective.

 

Outpost

Heading out with only a sniper rifle and your trusted knife, marking your targets with the binoculars and planning your attack on a heavily guarded outpost is great fun but becomes a little too easy later on when the enemies stay the same and you become heavily armored and equipped.

Leveling/Skill system

 

Kills, quests and doing pretty much everything rewards you with experience points which in turn gives you a skill point to be distributed in three skill trees. Much like Diablo 2 and games that came after it.

SPIDER

The skills range from giving you the ability to kill three people silently at once using a chain of knife commands to getting more health bars, some skills are more useful than others but all in all it’s a very exciting and rewarding system.

It’s funny how a simple skill system is enough to put an extra bit of addiction into a game.

Crafting/Hunting/Gathering

 

Birds2

Seriously, they might be herbivores, but they will claw the shit out of you.

 

Far Cry 3 features a crafting system based on hunting and gathering flowers.

The island is shockfull of d- i almost wrote dinosaurs. It’s shockfull of different animals, predators and herbivores that make the island come alive.  Skyrim also had a world that came alive because a giant could be fighting a pack of wolves or whatever, but the ecosystem in Far Cry 3 is definitely more interesting.

Animals can be hunted and then skinned for leather which you in turn use in crafting bigger wallets, ammo pouches or inventory bags. And while they’re basically required to survive in the wilderness, you *want* to go out and hunt/craft because it’s so much fun.

Dont expect the more dangerous animals to simply give you their skin though, if you run into a leopard unprepared, you’re fucked.

What’s amazing about the animal life is that it has a life of its own. The herbivores get hunted by the predators, and the human enemies have to stay on their guard for them as well.

I’ll demonstrate with a screenshot.

 

Tiger2

 

That’s me hangliding to a new terrotory, and i’m seeing a group of 10-ish mercenaries being totally slaughtered by a nearby tiger, not scripted or anything, it just happened to occur.

That’s the sort of thing you cant experience in many games.

Another *hilarious* incident occured when i was sneaking up to a nearby outpost getting ready to jump in and silently slay them all with my trusted silenced rifle. And i get ambushed by two fucking ostriches causing me to completely lose my shit in panic running into gunfire.

 

Komodo dragon Far Cry 3

 

Speaking of komodo dragons, another aspect of the open world that i noticed very late in the game is that pirate mercenaries cry out “LEOPARD!!” or “KOMODO” if they spot an animal in the wild and are about to get attacked, its a tiny thing really but it all adds up to create immersion.

As for the hunting, it mostly happens when you’re out in the wild running between objectives or quests, but you can also take up hunting missions that reward an extra bit of cash as well as the skins you gather.

You also gather plants to make serums, simple health medkits or syringes that enhance your ability in some way. You get new recipies to make more powerful syringes as you progress through the story

 

Missions/Quests

 

As Jason Brody, you fight your way through various missions to save your friends. At least thats what you think the game will be about, i’ll leave it at that.

Sure there are no mutated monkeys in vomit clothing anymore, but the games does throw a few twists in here and there.

There are a few segments in the missions that completely blew my mind, and well.. there are drugs involved, Jason tends to eat a lot of space mushrooms as he journeys through the game.

 

Drug

Some of the druggy sequences in the game are among the weirdest i’ve ever seen.

 

It’s hard to talk about the main mission without spoiling anything, but the problem i had with Far Cry 2 is definitely fixed. You want to see what’ll happen next, and the freedom of exploring and sidequesting doesnt make the goal of the game dissapear. In my opinion it’s all weaved together well.

The sidequests, aside from the gathering and hunting, are kill quests, animal hunting, collectibles, racing and supply dilvery.

The collectibles work pretty much like “hidden packages” worked in the GTA series, you find hidden items scattered throughout the island that requires some exploring to find. After gathering a certain ammount ,you get a special weapon that cant be obtained anywhere else.

The problem with these collectibles and the side missions is that there are hardly any rewards for gathering/completing all of it, some have weapon rewards attached to them but there’s no carrot hanging infront of you to get it all. Unless you simply want the 100% complete status in the progression screen.

I myself need that reward hanging in front of me at the end to complete everything, but hey thats just me.

 

The attention to detail in Far Cry 3 is one of the things that gives the game a polished feel. For instance, one of the gameplay segments is climbing radio towers to unlock access to the minimap in new areas. The climbing itself is plattform style, jumping between poles and pillars to reach the tower.

Tower

I thought every tower would be copy pasted, since the goal is simply to reach the top and activate the tower, but no. Every tower is different in its construction (debris) and while it might not sound like a big deal to have to climb a differently built tower every time, it *does* add to the feeling that the game has been polished tightly.

I guess it sounds like an odd example to get worked up over, but its things like these that add up to quality.

Final Words

 

Imagine Grand Theft Auto+Skyrim+Far Cry and you have this game, if that doesn’t do it for you then there’s really not much else i can do to persuade you to give it a shot.

If the trend in titling new games as sequels to games that they have little to no connection with is vital for us to get games like Far Cry 3, then i’m all for it.

Hopefully the success of FC3 is enough to warrant it another sequel in the same vein, my only worry is that Ubisoft Montreal will get pushed to throw a sequel out faster than they’re capable of producing a good followup. But that’s something only time will tell.

XCOM: Enemy Unknown, or as i like to call it “XCOM: Good Luck trying to stop playing”


Shouldn’t it be called “XCOM: Enemy Unknown Until We Figure Out They’re Aliens” ?

What a horrible way to begin a post, i’m disgusted with myself.

And being disgusted with myself is a good way to start a post, so we’re on even squares.

XCOM: Enemy Unknown is a turn based action strategy game, that’s pretty much the only way to categorize it because i certainly wouldn’t place it in the same folder as Civilization or Heroes of Might and Magic. And to further explain why it’s not like other turn based strategy games:

Imagine that you’re about to play a game of chess, except the pawns wield plasma rifles and the opposing team cheats when you’re not looking.

Alright that was unfair, let me try once more.

You are a commander, and the game loves to use that title for you, in control of a project called XCOM that’s been tasked with taking care of an alien invasion that’s just struck the earth.

The game is divided into two sections, turn based combat when you’re fighting aliens with your troops, and base management once you get back home between fights.

The base management is a crucial part of the experience because back home is where all your research, weapon projects and equipment is handled for your troops that get sent out on missions. Whats great here is that everything you do in the field with your troops and how your battles turn out, affects your resources at the base and vice versa.

 

How to handle an alien invasion in the XCOM fashion.

 

You need a base, because if you cant relax with a cup of tea and a biscuit after a successful alien raid, then what the fuck have you got?

The base is calm, no battles will jump at you and you can take your time to figure out what you want to focus on unlike most strategy games where bases are handled. (OMFG ZERG!! MOVE THE SCV’S)

 

 

You manage a squad and choose which soldiers you want to bring to missions, there are 4 different classes with very different abilities given to them.

And you sorta have to name your soldiers… i couldn’t resist. 

Oh and there’s a badass transformers ripoff tune playing before you fly off to battles.

 

 

The turn based combat follows standard RPG rules, where chance to hit and crit is matched against the enemies defense. It’s also cover based, meaning you navigate your troops to different pieces of cover throughout the battlefield and you have to find the best cover in order to gain the highest amount of defense. 

 

 

 

 

Why should you play this game?

 

Simply because its mindblowing addictive fun, and it doesn’t hold your hand unlike most games of today.

To go through how everything is held together: you send out your troops to a battlefield and fight a fixed amount of aliens on that “level”. Depending on how many kills a soldier gets. (this might be affected in other ways too) your troops gain experience points and “rank up”, giving them new abilities and higher stats. After missions you also get artifacts and resources based on the types of aliens you kill and how you kill them, which you in turn can use to research new weapons and equipment back at the base.

The XCOM economy is based on funding that you get from every nation that’s directly associated with the project, and keeping those countries happy is essential, otherwise they leave the project and take their funding with them. They generally lose happiness if you don’t take care of alien activity that occurs in the different countries, usually there’s three attacks taking place at once and you can only choose one to deal with, the countries you neglect lose happiness and gets increased panic.

This means that every decision you make has a positive and negative outcome and you have to keep everything balanced.

It’s very hard to explain how the economy is extremely intricate, and how its all tied together in a very smart mess. The point is that you feel like you gain more edge against the aliens the more you fight and the more technology you scrape together.

Obviously the aliens aren’t going to wait around for you to research equipment, they send out more and more dangerous troops the further you get in the game.

 

 

What struck me was how unforgiving the game is, one slip-up, one missed shot can have your precious high ranked sniper dead. And soldier deaths in this game is permanent, meaning if you lose that rank 7 Colonel, you have to train another one up, or hope that your other high ranked soldiers can pull it off.

But that’s also what i like about the game, it hates you and wants your heart to be pumping when victory and loss are equally close at hand.

The learning curve is extremely steep, even at the lowest difficult setting, i think i played 16 games or so before i finally got to the end “boss” on that playthrough.

There’s an option to play the game in “Iron Man” mode, meaning you only have one save and everything you do is irreversible, and i think that adds way more tension to every combat scenario.

But the different ways you can choose your research, what weapons to buy and which countries to support are so varied that starting fresh because of a major fuckup on a previous game isn’t such a horrible defeat after all.

I think i played XCOM for about 40 hours on my first week, which is like… a standard 9-5 job really, it proves how impossible it was to put down.

Explaining why it’s so extremely addicting is the hard part, but i guess you’ll just have to give it a shot to believe me. And your family is going to miss you when you’re locked at your screen.

 

Final words.

 

I don’t think I’ve been this glued to a game since Saints Row The Third, and i know that was just earlier this year, but i guess what i’m trying to say is that i don’t get addicted to games very often anymore. XCOM has you saying “Just one more battle” or “I just want to see what this last research gives me” more times than you can excuse yourself.

Once you finish it though, its hard to find reasons to go back, at least i haven’t yet.  So it’s a total bummer when you feel you’ve done it all, but that’s also a quality stamp right there.

Play this thing, you’ll thank me.

Actually you wont because your partner will break up with you since you aren’t in bed anymore.

 

 

 

This guy by the way… Ever seen Gordon Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares USA?

What a horrible night to have writers block


Hello internet, it’s been awhile.

I’ve not had the energy nor the inspiration to write anything in ages, and i thought i would try and remedy that simply by… well, writing. I was planning to write an Amuzzled one year anniversary type post but time just flew past me and before i knew it i had missed the freaking date.

So what i’ve been up to is irrelevant (Education and whatnot, nothing important) and i thought i’d just pick up where i left of.  Now the problem is figuring out where the hell i left off, but i’mma just wing it and try to make as much sense as possible.

I have several things i want to review or write about, and most of them are shitty movies that i’ve seen in the past month.

 

A few examples.

 

Birdemic: Shock and Terror.

A movie that was intended to be an homage to Alfred Hitchcock’s “The Birds”, but ended up being a demonstration on how to use MS Paint instead of proper special effects.

I’ve seen a lot of bad special effects and bad acting in my days but this one is very special.

 

…right.

 

 

The Room

Oh boy, this is a scary one.

“The Room” is about… um…

The fuck is it about?

From what i could tell, there’s a love triangle drama between the three main caracters, but other than that you’ll have to figure out the rest. Good Luck.

Actor, Producer, Director, Writer, Chocolate Navigator, Piano Snorter and model Tommy Wiseau is the main character (and also the guy who wrote, directed and produced this mess) and a big part of the comedy in this film is listening to his dialogue. The man claims to be american, but i dont think there’s one word he pronounces properly, and his voice pitch in most sentences is hilarious.

 

 

 

And ofcourse we have…

 

Prometheus

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Now this one doesnt belong in the “shitty movies” category but i just have to write about this movie soon.

It perhaps didn’t live up to what i had been waiting 14 years for, but it’s still an important part of the Alien saga in my opinion.

I shall dedicate a post for it in the future.

 

 

In the meantime, watch The Room and Birdemic, they’re so bad you couldnt replicate it on purpose.

So bad it’s good: “Hell of the living dead”


This screenshot sums it all up

I don’t know if i’m getting used to the “so bad it’s good” movies, but it’s been awhile since i saw one that was hilarious all the way through.  Usually the ones most refer to are the movies made throughout the 50’s and 60’s, but somehow i excuse them since they are so old.

But when you get up to the 70’s and 80’s, that’s when things start to hit the fan, and by things i mean shit.

                                          Hell of the living dead

Not only is the title a proper ripoff to try and cash in from the George A Romero series, everything else pretty much is too.

The gore effects aren’t too shabby, the flesh eating is kinda disgusting, although silly. And that’s about all they do right.

But that’s good, because what they do wrong is what makes this movie amazing.

The acting is… i’m not sure about this, but i think Italian actors were made to try and phonetically speak their script lines, and then dubbed by American actors later on. It sounds strange, but you can easily tell the movie has been dubbed, but that some lines look synced. And i know Italian and American ain’t that close for it to be a coincidence on a massive scale.

Aside from the dubbing, there are so many physical aspects of the acting that’s absolutely hilarious, from movement to the way the actors uh.. really didn’t get any weapon training.

The music ranges from awesomely bad to awesomely good, the sound effects are hilarious.

The plot… well, i think there is a plot. That’s all.

To best summarize why a “so bad its good” movie is worth watching, I’ve dug up some screenshots.

If you get a laugh out of shitty movies, check this one out, you’ll not regret it.